Witing has always and forever been an outlet for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always been addicted to reading, and writing. I used to journal for years growing up. 1,000’s upon 1,000’s of journaling notebooks, jus filled up wit all my thoughts an feelings. When I was sad, pissed off, depressed, either about a current boyfriend or ex an my feefee’s on that. Jus anything that would pop into this head of mine that meant a lot to me, or something serious to me. I always wrote about it.
There were times when my hand would be hurting from writing so much, that I had to stop. Only then to pick up reading by playing school, an I was the teacher. My dad gave me this piece of wood, an it was a pretty good size too. I’d put it across my legs with it setting on top of my legs. Then I had been given some old school books my sister had found in the house she’d moved into. Except I had the teachers books, so you already know I was teaching a reading class. I’d scribble on some scrap paper pretending to be grading papers, or doin very busy paperwork. I even would pretend some of the kids were raising their hands an I even call on them, making names up as I went along. I even had bad kids in class. I made it as real as I could get it. Beacause I loved pretending playing that main thing SO much. It was better when you had someone to play with you cuz then you could pretend they did something bad so you’d get to punish them. After school detention for you! Lol!
2nd Fav thing. Being a mom. I know it probably sounds cheesy as hell, but seriously I mean every word of that. Throughout my kids entire childhood, I was in active addiction full on. They have seen me nodded nout wit cigs in my hand, burning holes in my clothes all the time. Falling asleep in my food an them having to take it away from me an make me go to bed, or sleep which ever came first. This is so hard to finally get it out there that I wasn’t a good momma. Oh, in my heart I was perfect. You couldn’t tell me no diff on that either. I was usually always on my children’s level when it came to having freakin fun man. Always goin swimming, letting them watch tv when fallin asleep at night even tho they was actually jumping from each others bed to the next. I had an absolute blast an was a great new born baby an toddler momma. I wasn’t a good mother tho at all. To this day my kids hate taking pills. Of any kind too. I think it’s great they didn’t do complete opposite an follow me instead. It stopped with me I can only hope an pray. My Baby-Girl would rather cramp so bad it makes her cry, before she’ll frfr take even ibuprofen. My son is they same way. He has taken narcotic pain meds before but generally damn near all of them make him so sick he feels as if he’s dying for real. I’m glad they are like that though when it comes to taking pills. I jus hate that I was the example of why not to get addicted or take them period. So during my time of incarceration I made a vow to God, myself an to my family, that I’d do everything within me to be a diff person when I was released. I made a vow instead of a promise. Every time I’ve ever made a promise to them I always ended up breaking it. So the vow, to me, meant way more than any promise ever could. So far I have stuck with it an continued to do great and amazing things during my release. I have maintained my sobriety. Yes I have made mistakes and have relapsed. No one is perfect. I can’t say with 100% accuracy that no one EVER relapses after they choose to get sober. I’m sure everyone that’s ever been an addict tryin to get clean has slipped up at least once or twice. If I’m wrong about that then I would love to hear your success story. I invite you to share your story here on this site. I am now the mother I should have been since the very beginning. Still not perfect an never will I be. I can say however that I’m more dedicated to living happy and drug free for the remainder of my days. My kids are currently both living at home with me. My oldest, my son, will be 21 this year and my youngest will finally be 18. She jus can’t wait to be considered an adult, legally speaking I mean. Lol. I should have put being a mother as my first fav thing. But I had to learn to grow up and actually be a mother that my kids could call momma before I could say that motherhood was my first fav thing. It most certainly is now, by far, the most loving an fun filled journey I can ay I have ever experienced in my life.
One of the motivational aspects that drove me to want create this site was me wanting to give back so freely what was given to me. I want ppl to read my stories, an maybe find comfort in my words saying that “you’ll get it right one day”. Don’t give up. Maintain positivity and reach out an share your story here on this site. That’s why I wanted to create it to begin with. To offer guidance and support to people just like me, and you.
The longer this site remains to be up, the more I hope to reach out to people all over the world. To have people that see it to spread the word and share this site for more an more visitors. I’d really like for the name of my site to be a household name. We can dream can’t we? I will never charge anyone to talk or blog, or post, anything they need help with talking about, or getting things off their chest. I’m a deep, soulful person and I have been my entire life. I have always wanted to make a difference in the world. Who knows? With this site I may just conquor my dream.