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What Is My Motivation…You Wanna Know…

I have thought of so many things I’d like to do to help my community in a positive way. I’m a recovering addict and I feel I have so many wonderful things I can provide someone that needs it when it comes to such a horrible subject. I want to let them know that there is hope and that people really do care. I’m one of them. I can offer someone hope and insure them that it’s okay to fuck up!

What?

Excuse my language. I’m for real not sorry. I want that shock factor. I want people to be interested. Let them know it’s not gonna kill them to stop using and try and do better. I could have used a person like me (no filter and blunt as fuck) back when I was in heavy addiction. If I hadn’t lost my sister at such a young age I’m pretty sure she’d have been that blunt, honest as hell person I needed to instill in me the horrors of what awaited me if I continued living that train wreck of a thing I considered life.

I lived to kill myself to the fullest intent possible let me tell you. I’ll break it to you like this. The day I was arrested I was still severely intoxicated from the night before. I didn’t know how lucky I was to have even woke up that day to be honest. Why? I had in my possession and had half consumed over half of my 90 count script of 1mg Klonipin along with having just filled a script for 10 count Percocet 7.5mg. Then while at the pharmacy getting pain meds filled I illegally managed to come up on another script of benzo’s, Xanax 1mg, 90 count. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I was that desperate to keep stock of my favorite drug (besides heroin) that I had stooped to an all time level of stupidity. Upon arriving home I had grown bored and restless. Come nightfall I managed to get even more dumb. I was caught inside my neighbor’s house having stolen two more narcotic scripts of VyVanse, and another 90 count 1mg bottle of Xanax. She didn’t know I had taken them when she caught me and escorted me out the door though. However when she did, she was so pissed off. As well as she should have been.

So if you were keeping up that was 3. Count them, 3 full 90 count scripts of benzo’s and a script of pain pills. The remaining amount I had left fit all in one little bottle. I pulled another dumb ass move by taking them into the jail with me, only to catch another felony charge of promoting contraband.

So whenever I’m asked if I know what another addict has been, or is going through, I can honestly tell them yes. I truly do. A lot of people that know me would probably be thinking I was full of shit and nothing but a hypocrite because I have recently had to restart the count on my recovery all over again not to long ago. I have said and will keep saying that dammit I’m not perfect.

I’M NOT PERFECT!!

You hear me all fucktard haters out there. At least I can say I’m fucking giving it a shot. I’m doing my best. I do smoke weed. I’ll die smoking weed. My God is fine with that seeing in how He put it here to grow. For medicinal purposes. If I couldn’t smoke weed it would make my recovery so much harder than it already is. It calms my anxiety when I’m stressed enough so that I can think more clearly, and open minded. Rather than trying to think seriously while running on emotions.

I hope that made sense…

Sometimes when I go back and reread what I have written, it’s kind of awesome that I actually wrote something that was important to others as well as myself.

Whew! Awkward…I say that because I stutter so bad when I’m speaking on something I’m passionate about. Something I know is important. I stutter period all the time anyways. When I’m stressed out or the level of seizure meds in my system is too low. I hate it so much. It’s a permanent side effect that I’ll more than likely have for the rest of my life from being a drug addict. God bless my husband. I love you Gregory P. Sr. I’d not be able to live the life I am without him. He’s experienced in handling seizures. He remains calm and knows how to handle the situation. Most of the time the ambulance isn’t even called. As soon as I start having the symptoms he’s keeping an eyes on me. Not that he isn’t already doing it. No but for real.

Mk.

I’m sitting here with my Very Best FRIEND Panda. I just put her on blast. Bahaha. If you’d like to correspond with her I will hopefully soon be providing all contact information for each of the individual team members on the main SafeSpace website under contact.

Signing of for now you guys.

By tallgirl07

I have always loved expressing myself through words. I have been a bookworm since I started reading I think. So expressing myself through writing has forever been super easy for me. Now if I could just teach everyone who didn't know how, how to read, then they'd be able to read all the fascinating literature out there. I'd go crazy if I couldn't curl up to a good book on a rainy day if I wanted to. I work with the public. So I was outside a couple days ago typing away on my 2nd hand chrome book, and a nice gentleman started conversation about how long it took to charge. I said not long for an older model. He said he knew, about the older model I was working with. I proceeded to tell him I was trying my hand at writing a book. He turned out to be an avid bookworm himself. He gave me nothing but encouragement to finish the book. I like to tell myself I can do anything. But we all know how some people should just stick to their profession, well I'm gonna keep trying. I won't stop until I know without a shadow of doubt I can't succeed. Then maybe I'll put my pencil down, or in my case now, close my chrome book for good. Something tells me I won't have to just yet though.

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