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So I was reading over the first letter I wrote you to my best friend, Panda. She thought at first I was going to cry. Rereading something I wrote to someone as special as you. I didn’t though. Shock factor.

So I have been talking with Mrs. Marie and her rules over her child and what he’s allowed to be around and what he’s not. Obviously no smoking around him what-so-ever. Whether it be marijuana or cigarette smoke it doesn’t matter. I also have to make sure it’s not all on my clothing when time comes for me to hold him. I promised I’d respect her wishes in regards to her son when he was born. Greg literally just woke me up so I could get ready for work this morning, and I just finished schooling him on her wishes. Granted, it’s kind of hard to not be insulted by or become defensive from her choice of words in describing what areas of my own home that aren’t good enough for her baby but was good enough for her. Naturally she, the same as I once was over her and her brother when they were babies, is very picky when it comes to the surroundings of her unborn child. I’d want nothing but the absolute best for him as well. Did she really question my competence on the matter? I’d hate to think she didn’t. If she hadn’t, I’d probably be the one questioning hers.

Greg took the wording I chose, to act defensive, when the main objective in the conversation was to make sure our house is in tip top shape and all in order for when our future grandson arrives. I told him if anything I should be the one to take any offense because she already knows that he keeps a clean house. Where as her brother and myself are usually the lazy ones. With me it’s not so bad. I only have clutter around me because I work with clutter. Loose papers and sticky notes placed in between and on top of any and every notebook I have by me. That’s the worst of it when it comes to GG’s mess. Now uncle Nikki will be all together a different patriot act. I told Greg I’d take his door off the hinges in order to make sure he kept his area of the house clean. I meant it too.

Man, Sis. I wish you were here with me. Then maybe you’d be able to help me explain to your nephew why I’m so frustrated with his lack of caring when it comes to anything related to his working or moving out. I just spent the last 25 minutes going back and forth with him on the phone, over whether or not he’s been leaving work early and why he hasn’t checked on why he ain’t got his stimulus check from the government yet. If he got his stimulus that right there is his ticket out. Why is he procrastinating so damn much? ooh! He gets my nerves riled up so much. Thinking that neither Greg nor I believe in him. I straight up told him Sis. Prove me wrong and show me and then I’ll apologize wholeheartedly to his face. Like for example: I mentioned the fact that he told me this week of work that he’d be closing every night. So I asked him why he’s been home every night before 10pm. His response was that’s the new time they close now. All new since the pandemic hit. When I worked there we didn’t close till midnight. So I told him if I’m wrong I’ll eat that but prove to me that your trying as much as you want dad to think you are. Because I know for a fact that he’s not put his all into it that’s for sure. He sleeps until his alarm goes off for him to get up to get ready for work. Only instead of waking up on his own, will continue to let his alarm beep until either his dad or myself go to his door and yell his name. Only upon which will he “jerk himself awake”. Acting like that’s the first time he’s heard it. All the while I know deep inside he’s heard it going off the whole time but only wanted to remain acting like he was sleep so he could make his dad or me go to his door and wake him up verbally instead. Like, he hears it going off, right? So if he can hear it then we should be able to hear it, right? So instead of him going on and getting up like he knows he should, does he just lay there waiting until the last minute, until he has no other choice but to go ahead and get up and get ready. I heard him come home last night. As I was laying in bed reading my book. I heard him unlock his bedroom door, then I quickly put my cigarette out and threw my cellphone under the blanket with me. No sooner had I done that, than he came into my room to see if I was awake. I left him a few cigs in a pack on the tray next to my side of the bed. He didn’t miss those let me tell ya. I’m assuming he was up late enough to smoke them all seeing in how my unopened pack was open when I woke up this morning. I called him out on everything this morning. He acted like he couldn’t believe it that I was the one saying those things to him instead of his dad. When in all actuality I should have been doing it the whole time. To be the one to light the fire under his ass to make him want to prove his father and I wrong.

I swear I think I write these things out only for me to go back and reflect on. I know I’ll not receive any comments on it. God forbid if someone reaches out in hopes for inspirational feedback from someone other than myself. It goes without saying doesn’t it Sis? Want and one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up quicker!! Of course the one with shit will. Given that’s been our entire lives ain’t it? Just sayin…

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By tallgirl07

I have always loved expressing myself through words. I have been a bookworm since I started reading I think. So expressing myself through writing has forever been super easy for me. Now if I could just teach everyone who didn't know how, how to read, then they'd be able to read all the fascinating literature out there. I'd go crazy if I couldn't curl up to a good book on a rainy day if I wanted to. I work with the public. So I was outside a couple days ago typing away on my 2nd hand chrome book, and a nice gentleman started conversation about how long it took to charge. I said not long for an older model. He said he knew, about the older model I was working with. I proceeded to tell him I was trying my hand at writing a book. He turned out to be an avid bookworm himself. He gave me nothing but encouragement to finish the book. I like to tell myself I can do anything. But we all know how some people should just stick to their profession, well I'm gonna keep trying. I won't stop until I know without a shadow of doubt I can't succeed. Then maybe I'll put my pencil down, or in my case now, close my chrome book for good. Something tells me I won't have to just yet though.

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