Part 2 of UGH!!

Well as you can see from my lack of remembering to finish posting about the things I needed to get off my chest. I have almost forgot everything I wanted to talk about. Easy how one’s mind can let go of troublesome things. Seemingly not even knowing about it until I was ready to once again continue talking about what was bothering me. So as in the last post I was venting about my streak of petty things bothering me or pissing me off. A lot of little thing though eventually build up to be one big thing and before I know it I don’t even remember exactly what it was that made me mad to begin with because it was never just ONE thing. I hope I’m explaining how my mind ticks and the cogs function. It’s a helluva job being inside this head of mine. I sit back inside my own home and watch my family and how I’m a pushover when it comes to my kids. Especially my son. He’ll be 21 this year and has been living with me for a little over a year now and he was supposed to be saving up money for his own place to get on his own again. Well, let’s just say mom has been footing the bill for his smoking habit among other things. When I find out he hasn’t put any money up the past few pay checks and has been just blowing it on ain’t telling and games I’m sure. He never has conversation with me unless he needs cigs or wants to smoke some weed. Yes I smoke the marijuana. I’m a firm believer in it. That’s a topic up for discussion for a later time. Right now though, my son is my main topic. It has been the most troubling problem I think I have ever faced. To have to tell my own child, the fruit of my womb, that he has to get out on his own 2 feet. He’s grown and therefore needs to start acting that way. I’m not going to kick him out and deem him homeless. Never that. So let me just clear the air with that question if anyone by chance thought maybe I was going that direction saying he needed to be on his own.

Okay, whew! Sorry I just now clocked out for my 30 minute break. We have been slamming busy since I got here at like 6 am. Cars were lined out to the road, and drive-thru was completely wrapped. I went from making sandwiches, to the grill, to prepping items we’d need for lunch, then back tracking to the grill, then back to sandwiches, then on to prepping items we were running out of during the breakfast rush. So from 6 am till just right now, this minute. I have been busting my ass and feeding all of Paducah, Ky. Which is where I live and reside. Sometimes I hate it and other times I’m just kosher. Right now I couldn’t be more happy than to be on break. Not only for the down time, but because I get to blog to you guys and you can see with your eyes, by reading my post, wtf I’m really going through. They are in there switching over to lunch right now. Okay, back to my kid.

As soon as I hit the bathroom when I woke up this morning, my son was just waiting for me to come in there. Just waiting for the time to roll around for mama to get up. All just to ask me for some bud. I’m not gonna lie. Yes it pissed me off. Like he’s went days without asking me for bud because that’s when I know he’s got it. However he doesn’t tell me when he’s got some. Why? He’s stingy asf! Plus I won’t smoke his shit. Not that it’s not good. Just because if I also smoke with him on what he’s got, then he’ll run out that much faster and be asking me for some when he is out. UGH!!! I told him in a snap that it’s hard on me always footing the bill for either cigarettes or weed, hell most of the time both!! I never tell him when I get some, how much I’ve got, or what I spent. If he is out and really needs some for his anxiety, I’ll always come to the rescue. That’s what mom’s do for their kids. Swoop in and save them. Whether it’s for the good or the bad we always wanna make sure they are okay, happy, and have everything they need. Yes, I’m also well aware of the fact that I have also been enabling his habits, therefore he’s become dependent on mom. I started it. I’m also stopping it. ( Just talking about it in this post is giving me anxiety. I honestly can’t wait till I’m done. Matter of fact that’s what I’m about to do is stop talking about it)

I hope everyone has a blessed day. We were really shorthanded for the breakfast shift this morning and right now I just want to read. So with that being said, you guys have a good rest of the morning and I’ll be back this afternoon when I get home. All the love, from me to you.

By tallgirl07

I have always loved expressing myself through words. I have been a bookworm since I started reading I think. So expressing myself through writing has forever been super easy for me. Now if I could just teach everyone who didn't know how, how to read, then they'd be able to read all the fascinating literature out there. I'd go crazy if I couldn't curl up to a good book on a rainy day if I wanted to. I work with the public. So I was outside a couple days ago typing away on my 2nd hand chrome book, and a nice gentleman started conversation about how long it took to charge. I said not long for an older model. He said he knew, about the older model I was working with. I proceeded to tell him I was trying my hand at writing a book. He turned out to be an avid bookworm himself. He gave me nothing but encouragement to finish the book. I like to tell myself I can do anything. But we all know how some people should just stick to their profession, well I'm gonna keep trying. I won't stop until I know without a shadow of doubt I can't succeed. Then maybe I'll put my pencil down, or in my case now, close my chrome book for good. Something tells me I won't have to just yet though.

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